Breakfast Beach Halloween

This was the first year Z actually wanted to dress up and go trick or treating. He's a late bloomer and never wanted to dress up and didn't care much for trick or treating. Still doesn't but I think school has got him a little more interested in it. He was shy asking for candy but it was good time. We beat the rain shower which started right after we made our loop and our friends showed up but we were done and it was pouring rain!

sorry r's tail looks like a wiener! =(

I have been cooking somewhat. Z likes pancakes..or so he says. Everytime I make them he only eats a little but I think he just likes the idea of making them? Sort of like making cupcakes but not.

Sunday morning bfast

Shoyu chicken for the family. I don't eat meat but they rest of my family does so this is for them..

My mental health is suffering severely. Sometimes I am not sure what to do. Now that I am not nursing, I am able to take a half xanax when it gets really bad but I hate taking meds. But I will get severe pain in my stomach from anxiety and almost throwing up from it. Ugh I wish I could make it all stop but half the time I have no idea WHY I have these anxiety attacks. Sometimes I wonder if I should just start smoking weed to help..but I am not much of a smoker and I don't know what's worse, drugs or!!!!!!! I am trying to keep it together for my family so I can still function but my mind and body is in turmoil..I know part of it is my body and how I hate it. I play Kinect Sports and you can see the video of yourself after you are done and I see how fat I am and it's depressing and I am determined to lose that last 15-20 pounds I have been saying I will lose from the's almost 2 years..there is no excuse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


jane said…
you have adorable children. i remember halloween in's pretty great (i used to live there, live in so. cal now..)

kids...i have a 17 month old and my body and mental health have not been the same since...i'm still nursing but looking into "diet pills" : i also do spin (pedal spin with music and lights) do they have anything like that near you? and jillian dvds once in awhile. hope you're okay. a lot of people in los angeles have prescriptions for medical marijuana, and i think it really does help when used moderately for relaxing:) juggling motherhood and life is hard..i am a longtime lurker and hope you're finding things okay. ps. you don't have to post this comment but i've read your blog for awhile and wanted to say something.
Anonymous said…
Hubs needs to make an effort to be home for dinner...even if it is once a week. It is not enough for him to be the provider only. He has a wife that needs his attention. You have to demand it. Have you gone to couples/marriage therapy/counciling? It sounds like you are being neglected but you dont realize it because of your own stuff. A therapist will help you communicate what is important to you to feel loved and nurtured to your husband. And for your husband to do the same. Then it is clear and you can do something about it...or not...but at least it was said. It sounds to me like hubs is checking out. He is not recharging you with love in the way that you feel loved. I have been here and need to say that you are in a dangerous place. You need to demand to be better cared for and better loved. You are depressed because you are giving everything to your family and it is not getting recipricated. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your poor little battery is depleted.
Marijuana can be helpful by ingesting it too. It sounds like you love to bake so why not bake some mommy only treats if you don't like to smoke. For a low cal option there is glycerin thc drops.
That will only help you deal but not really solve any problems. You still need to be appreciated and made to feel like a priority. Why not leave it to the professionals that have studied this? I suggest that you and hubs go to therapy together once a week and go to lunch/ dinner date afterwards. You have to do something different to improve your situation. I want to see your family flourish. You will have to address things directly and communicate your needs. It is part of growing up and becoming a whole healthy woman.
Golden Flower said…
Nice blog. Cute kids. Thank you for sharing. Please visit my blog and do follow it.
Alui H said…
Wow, i'm going through a very similar thing with anxiety lately! I thought I had it kicked but no.. and i've started smoking pot to help with moodswings/anger etc.... it does help a bit. My family doctor told me to drink wine at night to unwind... i started drinking whiskey and do shots through out the day. i'm an f-cking mess. lol... still trying to loose the last 15 lbs too... maybe we can be each others cheerleaders in that department... your boys are so beautiful. Post some more outfit pictures! i need some inspiration. FASHION SHOW! love.

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