To All Mothers Out There...


I've been battling with my mind lately.  Trying to separate what all the issues that need to be addressed really are and what might just be ME and my mind.  Being a mom is not easy.  It is consuming and exhausting and as they grow older, it becomes even more difficult because they are no longer the sweet little innocent angels who find happiness in the smallest things.  You deal with attitudes, irritations, talking back, disrespect, rules, consequences, and everything else under the sun.

I used to find myself getting so upset and raising my voice and could never figure out who this person was.  I couldn't understand why I was always so upset and yelling.  Soon, I realized that raised voice or calm voice, it didn't change the fact that the outcome seemed the same.  What was happening was going to happen and I could only change how I was going to feel.

Over the years, I've learned to be extra mellow and it has helped myself handle things a lot easier..less angry even if my child is still doing the same things, I found that at least on my end, I could help a little by not adding to the crazy.  In my case, one of my sons is going through the changes all teenagers go through on top of his personality and being hard on himself and lack of confidence, it's definitely been a mixture of trying to understand and tears.  Not to say that he isn't the sweetest human being in the world.  Because he totally is.  But like a true Gemini, he is two people in one and to the extreme.

I can only try to imagine how difficult it must be to understand the feelings running through his head as a child.  I am almost 40 and still cannot get a grip on my thoughts and feelings.  I am guilty of not understanding and talking to him as if he should know.  But I wanted to share to anyone out there who is trying to figure out the "what is happening?" feeling that you are not alone.   Trying to find way to bring peace and calm to the daily practice is a work in progress.  Everyday will be different but everyday you try is a step towards that goal.  Many days I feel like it seems to have gotten worse and worse but when I really look back at the changes and progress, he's made so many big steps towards progress and so have I.  I would never have imagined myself to be this way 10, 6 or even 3 years ago but every step has been towards a better space and keep searching for that place that will bring peace.  Finding a little mental peace is super important because if I wasn't in this space, I would just be adding to the chaos.  The world is like a chaotic mess often at home but I feel many times I am standing in the center of it and trying to make the tornado in slow motion and drawing out the pieces to solve the puzzle.  One day I hope I can make that tornado so slow all the pieces just fall into place =)


Photo from a sunset hike in Palos Verdes, CA


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