Being a Mom Can Be Lonely (Sometimes)
I've been feeling this sadness the last few weeks but it has gotten worse in the last week. So much so that my anxiety seems to be kicking in and I am extremely moody and sad where I feel lost in my own thoughts, sensitive and grumpy. I know that that is normal and everyone has their days but I have this sadness that I can't shake. I had this up and down for years and it comes and goes..but it's been turned up to high lately. I know it will go away as it always does. I still remember that feeling when my oldest was born and it was such a big change from life before kids to me being alone all the time with a baby who was needy and I had no family around so it was just me feeling sad that everything changed and I was by myself all the time. Feeling lost. But those times come and go and I know it's just a hurdle that is put here to do something. Change something. It's testing me and will eventually pass...
There is this thing with being a mom. I don't know if it's just me and how I am, but I have felt lost all these years like I don't know myself or who I am because so much of me put in all the effort into being a mom, making sure the kids had what they needs, growing learning taking care and everything under the sun..that I forgot about what I wanted to do or just forgot that I was a person too. I love being a mom so don't get me wrong but I feel like I got lost somewhere in that path and because I am the type of person who throws everything into whatever I'm doing, being a mom is a neverending thing so I tend to leave everything else behind while I am working on what is present.
Lately I have realized that because of how I am and on top of not being good at keeping in touch with people who aren't in the immediate present life I'm in, I have felt this sadness knowing that I actually have no friends. Yes, I have friends whom I talk to once in a while or when I do see them once every few years, we pick up like no time has passed. But the actual friend who I can call or say can I come over lets have coffee is non existent. Maybe if I were back home on the island it wouldn't be that way but even then, I feel like everyone's lives has gone on to other things and mine just wouldn't fit anywhere. Being here in California with no one here makes things even harder. I have read about adults finding it hard to make friends and I think that is true. More so for introverts like me who don't get out much and only focuses on work, kids, exercise.. it seems almost impossible. Not that I need to have a lot of friends but it would be nice to have one person outside of home to just have coffee with or talk to about random shit or even my crazy mental state and share stories with..
I came across an article on momtastic called, "Yes, You Can Have a Family and Still Be Lonely" and it was so true. "As Moms We Feel Ashamed For Feeling Lonely I think as moms we feel ashamed for feeling lonely–we are surrounded by people all the time, running around like crazy. But the thing is we can love being a mom and feel like we are invisible, we are allowed to feel both and many of us do." So relateable and nice to know other moms feel this loneliness and it gets even harder when you're in the teen stage and they are almost gone. Starts to make you feel more lonely knowing once they are out you are on your own and that is even scarier LOL